1. Do you try to do as much as possible in the least amount of time?

2. Do you become impatient with delays or interruptions?

3. Do you always have to win at games to enjoy yourself?

4. Do you find yourself speeding up the car to beat the red lights?

5. Are you unlikely to ask for or indicate you need help with a problem?

6. Do you constantly seek the respect and admiration of others?

7. Are you overly critical of the way others do their work?

8. Do you have the habit of looking at your watch or clock often?

10. Do you spread yourself "too thin" in terms of your time?

11. Do you have the habit of doing more than one thing at a time?

12. Do you frequently get angry or irritable?

13. Do you have little time for hobbies or time by yourself?

14. Do you have a tendency to talk quickly or hasten conversations?

15. Do you consider yourself hard-driving?

16. Do your friends or relatives consider you hard-driving?

17. Do you have a tendency to get involved in multiple projects?

18. Do you have a lot of deadlines in your work?

19. Do you feel vaguely guilty if you relax and do nothing during leisure?

20. Do you take on too many responsibilities?

Total the column

No pen clicking, texting, computer gazing, or tapping fingers.  Quiet your body to concentrate fully on the speaker.  Maximum concentration is essential for active listening to work.

Perhaps the most difficult part of active listening is to restrain the impulse to think of a response while the person is speaking.  In North America our predominant listening pattern is to listen part way to what someone is saying, proceed to thinking up a response (person is still talking) and then interrupt the speaker with our response.  This means you are not actively listening.  Quiet the mind and concentrate fully on the speaker.  Words and actions.

Avoid looking at a clock or your watch.  Resist sending any message that there are better things to do than listen to this person.

Active listening requires no "buts."  There may be some but that is not how to start.  The first task of the active listener is to listen with enough concentration to be able to paraphrase accurately what someone has said.  Then the listener makes sure that what is being said squares with the message the person is trying to send.  To interrupt with a “but” means the abandonment of active listening as a tool.  First is understanding, then discussion.  This is true even if the speaker is wrong about something. Discussion comes AFTER the person is completely done speaking.

Under no circumstances does the active listener interrupt the speaker.  The person speaking needs to send complete information as he/she sees it.  And never let someone interrupt with a message or phone call.  If you are going to the trouble to use active listening, make the location private and tell everyone---no interruptions.  That includes the background “ping” of an email arriving.

Some people do other work while talking with people on work related things.  This works most of the time, but if active listening is used there is no grant writing, balancing a checkbook, or writing out a grocery list while the active listening is in progress.

When using active listening it can be tempting to stop someone and criticize his/her perception of what happened.  We know that is a no-no!  What also happens is the rolled eyes, or snorts and sneers that send a message of criticism to the speaker.  It is human to feel it, but never let your face or body show it.  The job is to hear and understand the information sent, without judgment, to understand from the speakers view.  After understanding by the listener is assured there is time for comment or more questions.